An Ode to Alzheimers
By Andreann Geise
There are no words to describe such pain, to live the life through the eyes of a dying soul
I have become the eyes, ears, body and mind.
I take care of her every need, it is not by choice but by love that I do this, but the price is endlessly tragic.
There is no rest for me, no moments of peace, I am tortured day and night by the knowledge of what will inevitably be the end and terrified of the many horrible paths that may lead there.
There is no time stamp to tell me when this will all come to an end or what will be left of me when it does.
Each day I feel further and further from the person I was, forever changed by what I see her going through and by the solitude that we both live.
People keep their distance, its not contagious but it is too much reality for most.
It is too much reality for me but it is the path that I must follow, and the further down it I travel the more alone I feel.
Time does not stand still and these long days and nights will never be given back to me.
I can not do for myself in order to tend to her requirements. My body, my mind deteriorating as I neglect my own needs.
The future I planned for is now but a faint memory, a pipe dream of sorts.
Life does not wait for anyone.
The gifts I had been given, my intellect, my strength are all fading and I have no means to keep them from doing so.
All my time all my energy is used up, the sadness of the situation beats me down.
I am not the only causality of this war, my husband suffers too, his love for me keeping him as shackled as I am.
This disease has not just taken my mother but it has taken our lives as well.
I never could have imagined such a torture, every day we loose something else. The loss we have is physical, emotional, financial and eternal.